Doctors are so useless. I hate going to see a general practioner. They always tell me something completely self-evident that I could have done on my own instead of hauling my sorry carcass into their offices and wasting everyone's time. Take, for instance, this pulled muscle. I knew what to do. I alternately iced it and used a heating pad on it. I took Advil right away. I avoided lifting and twisting. But I still hurt this morning, and John wanted me to go to the doctor, so I got myself an appointment and we drove to Palo Alto.
In fact, I left early because the doctor's nurse called to ask if I could come in sooner. Sure, I said, I can be there by 12:30, but not before as I have a bit of a drive. She seemed worried about this. The doctor was hoping to go home early, she said, and I said no problem, I'd be there.
I got there at 12:30. The doctor had already left for the day because, according to the nurses, she didn't believe me when I said I'd be there. So she casually reassigned me for a 2:00 appointment with someone else and took off. I went ominously silent. The nurses looked nervous.
"No," I said perfectly politely, "that won't do. I did as the doctor requested, I made arrangements to get here early, and someone will see me now. I am not going to wait." I positively radiated self-control.
Oddly enough they got me into a room right away, and a doctor came to see me after a mere 15 minutes. He was a sorry excuse for a doctor, though. He wanted to give me a strong pain reliever. I refused, saying he hadn't even touched my back so how did he know what I needed? He checked my legs by lifting each one, noted the restriction in the left one, poked at my lower spine for two seconds, and recommended four Advil three times a day for five days. No, I said, my kidneys would be very unhappy. That's a hell of a lot of Advil. I asked for an anti-inflammatory, and he decided that was a really good idea. He went and got me some samples. What about physical therapy, massage therapy, a chiropractor, I asked? Oh, he said, he didn't think that would be necessary as most people just get better in a few days. I could not believe his attitude. He wasn't very happy with mine. I took my samples and left.
Honestly, what was the point of that? Why do these people spend years in medical school if they don't know what to do about ordinary run-of-the-mill injuries? Why would you prescribe a strong pain reliever when physical therapy or an anti-inflammatory would do the trick? Any sports medicine student would know that. I get the same "hurry up and get out of my office" kind of care no matter what's wrong with me, and occasionally something is actually wrong. It's bullshit. I'm not going to see a doctor again for any reason short of a heart attack or a head wound.
Knock on wood.
The Index
Next Incarnation