Friday was awful. Friday the shock wore off and I had a bad time of it. I found it difficult to make decisions, agonizing to keep dealing with the travel plans of stranded travelers who wanted me to tell them if they'd be able to get home. I was sick to tears from the horror stories and the dreadful sadness of the news. I sat and stared at my screen a lot. I drank coffee and then regretted it. I couldn't muster any cheerfulness at all.
After work I made a split second decision to take the southbound train and join John and a friend for a beer. I suddenly realized I didn't want to go home alone and mope. The pint was a bad choice, though, because it gave me a walloping headache. At home I lay down around 8:30pm hoping to sleep it all off. Four hours later I woke up drenched in sweat, ice cold and unbearably tense with a nightmarish conviction that someone had decided on nuclear war. My head hurt so badly I thought I might throw up. I got out of bed, ate a rice cake and had some Advil, and sat down to watch Animal Planet for a while. Keiko insisted on snuggling in my arms despite Natasha's presence on my lap. My arms went numb while supporting her, but it was so comforting to have her little furry body right under my chin, purring and purring as she dozed.
Many hours later I felt calm enough to go back to bed. I tossed and turned, disturbed by images of the destruction in New York, but by the time the sun rose I was sound asleep.
I stayed in bed until noon. I had brunch, tended my garden, went shopping in Palo Alto, bought more memory for my computer. I brought home Chinese food for dinner. I did some logic exercises for homework. I feel better. Less frayed. Less prone to involuntary tears.
That's because the tears over my logic homework are entirely voluntary, and by tears I mean swearing and clutching my forehead and flouncing away in disgust every third exercise. Oh my word, this is a hard class. I'm sure I'll be glad to have learned this once it's all over, but I'm struggling with the (to me) wholly unnatural mindset necessary for formal critical thinking. Argh. It's not quite as bad as math, I don't have any emotional issues with making a practical study of argument, but it's very nearly as difficult for me on a skills level. I am so glad I listened to my instincts and dropped the speech class. I have more than enough on my plate with this course.
If I do well in Philosophy 103 I will be very impressed with myself, because I'll have had to stretch myself to new limits to do so. "Well" is hereby defined as a B. I don't even know if an A is possible for me, and I don't really care. I'm concerned about passing the class, not schvitzing over what kind of letter grade I'm getting.
Oh, stop. I mean it. Look, I'm going to bed. I've been up for almost 12 hours, and I wouldn't mind conking out again. I'm really glad I went out Friday night after all, but I think I'll skip the beer next time. I swear I can only drink when I'm in a good mood, I've had something to eat before drinking (not simultaneously), I have a comfortable seat with proper back support, and the moon is in the seventh house. I'm just not cut out for drinking.
Or logic.
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