Today, I forced my client to bend to my will. All in a day's work, of course, but he must never suspect. You, of course, must never tell, on pain of being relegated to a center seat in the back of a plane with two crying babies on either side. Fear me, for I have powers beyond your comprehension. At last, I find myself baring my soul online, revealing dark secrets and cunning circumventions. Cool, huh?
Let us consider the case of Mr. Overdrive. He came to me last week with a perfectly sensible request for a vacation in Scotland but no sense of proportion in terms of what he could cover in six days. He was wanting me to check 20 different accomodations in 20 widely scattered locations. He changed the requests daily. First he wanted deluxe accomodations, then farm stays, then B&Bs, then back to castles. He wanted to go antiqueing in the Borders, fishing in the Highlands, hiking near Inverness, and golfing at St. Andrews. He wanted to rent a car, then decided to take the train part of the time. Maybe I should call him Mr. Schizo. At any rate, he spent five days changing his mind in not inconsiderable ways. His trip was a mess.
I couldn't let him do it. I knew he wanted a change from the motorcoach tours he'd been on before; he'd told me that at the very beginning. I knew he would bring too much luggage to make schlepping it on the train anything but a pain. He'd wear himself out changing hotels every day. He'd spend half of each day driving like a maniac just to get to the next destination. What fun is that? He'd see the motorway, not Scotland. But how do you tell a client they're creating a nightmarish vacation through sheer enthusiasm?
Simple. No matter what he asked for, I made polite noises but didn't check into it. I booked him into deluxe accomodations for two nights at a time, found a good airfare, booked a car rental for the whole trip, and waited until he was utterly confused. Then I faxed him suggesting he see the eastern side of Scotland this time, and save the Highlands and islands for another trip. I also faxed the itinerary I'd created on my own. He loved it. He thinks I'm a fabulous agent. He's forgotten all about his other ideas. Best of all, he'll have an absolutely wonderful time without going nuts. Yes, I ignored his requests once they went beyond a certain point and just booked the itinerary I thought was most interesting. Yes, this was high-handed of me. However, it's really the best way to handle confused clients. I'm omniscient on demand.
But of course I would never do this to you. Muahaha.
