You must understand, I'm an aficionado of romance novels. I remember quite well when Fabio first started appearing on the covers of books. He looks much better in paint, actually. I saw him from afar when the Romance Convention came to town but the closest to beefcake I got was when the Topaz Man walked past, surrounded by adoring fans of a certain age. The Topaz Man was pretty cute but I don't know if I'd recognise him if he cut his long, flowing, raven locks -- I mean hair. Topaz is an imprint, not his secret identity, by the way. Although perhaps he leaps into bed with his lover shouting, "Huzzah! I am Topaz Man!" You can never tell who's going to take their publicity seriously.

I tried writing a romance novel a couple of times. I failed to be original. This upset me but not as much as realizing I didn't have an actual plot. C'est la vie; we can't all be writers of fiction. I rather fancy turning into Dave Barry or Molly Ivins, but I guess I'd have to be much funnier. I like the idea of doing a newspaper column. Not for a newspaper, though. I don't have any interest in learning the journalism biz. I know someone who's a reporter, and he thrives on the real life murders and car accidents and city council meetings. So I suppose I'd better stick with this diary/journal/column. The pay is lousy but the perks are great.