Sunday morning again. I hate Sundays. They remind me of my stifling childhood. Church, dreary and incomprehensible. Stiff, dressy clothes in horrid girly colours. No friends over, no school, nothing to do but make trouble inside until I got kicked outside to play in the yard. Sunday school was bad; church was worse; only the singing of hymns made the time bearable. I love to sing in groups. The swelling of voices until the music goes right through your head and body, and you're bigger than yourself. It almost doesn't matter how dull the song. Mary Baker Eddy wrote a lot of dreadful, soppy lyrics. I ignored the lyrics, and all the really good tunes were nicked from elsewhere. Onward, Christian Soldiers! Oh, Danny Boy!
When did I last go to church, anyway? Must be almost 20 years now. 20 years! But I'm sure I didn't go after I left university, and that was 1979. I didn't go even during university, at least not to the church I was raised in. The paying jobs were at churchs, so I went to Methodist, Congregational, an assortment of Baptist, and even Catholic churchs to sing all through college. The Catholics had the best service. Lots of action with all the crossing and kneeling and going up to take communion. I took communion all the time. I suppose this damns me, since I'm not Catholic. I couldn't resist seeing if I could "pass," though. I thought the business with the ashes was pretty cool, too. Man, we didn't get to do any of that. No preachers, no kneeling, no nothing.
So it's Sunday, and I don't have to go to church any more, but everything in Nashville is very Christian so there's nothing to do until after church. I've made a pot of coffee instead of my usual one cup. Gonna get cranked up on the one drug I have left to abuse and get caught up on my graphics projects. I just read all of the Gus' musings for May, enjoying being immersed in his chaotic world for a couple of hours. Hell of a guy, the Gus. I can't imagine drinking the things he drinks, or putting up with the hangovers. His journal reminds me of one of my favorite diarists, Ned Rorem.
Since there's a dense storm system sitting on top of Tennessee for the rest of the week, I can enjoy the cool weather and grey skies without worrying that it might suddenly all turn to muggy heat. I hate it when it sets in to rain and I get my mood tuned in to 'soft grey cool' and then the sun ruins everything. I'm grateful we got through May without any real stretches of heat. It'll be a much shorter summer if it doesn't start until June. I'm still able to wear my sweatpants today, and I love wearing thick cotton sweatpants with long-sleeved cotton shirts, so I'm happy. Another couple of weeks and these will be packed away for the season. Until then, I can drink my coffee and wear my layers and look out at the dark, wet day with pleasure. Even if it is Sunday.
