Despite my kneejerk reaction to certain kinds of artwork it's been jolly nice to have people send me email out of the blue welcoming me to the group. It reminds me of when I joined a sorority when I went to college. I very much enjoyed belonging to it most of the time. (I thought having secret handshakes and whispering passwords at the door for every Monday night's Chapter meeting was desperately twee but there was no getting out of it.) The sense of sisterhood has a powerful appeal to me. It's the reason I spend most of my time on the WELL in the Women on the WELL conference (my user name is lucy if you want to say hi in any conference). I can talk to women in ways I can't talk to most men, and get support for the way I view the world, and share experiences only women have. It matters very much to me to have access to forums for women only, whether it's a sorority or a web ring or an online bulletin board. And I personally don't think transsexuals belong there. Transvestites absolutely don't.

I've thought about it off and on over the years because I tend to gravitate towards female oriented communities wherever I live and whatever my interests are. The first time the question came up it was during a fierce, sometimes vicious, debate as to whether or not to allow a male-to-female transsexual into a female-only feminist APA (amateur press association). As it turns out someone was already in it, and had been hiding her previous existence as a man. I felt betrayed. That person, nice as they may have been, was raised male with all the normal societal training and molding of attitudes for males, and they did not have the female experience which shaped the rest of us. They were unable to contribute anything but an outsider's viewpoint, and that APA (which was specifically formed to be a support network for women by women) was not the place for it. I quit the APA.

I thought about it again New Year's Eve because a person I'd previously assumed was either a rather unfortunate looking woman or a very iffy looking man turned up in a ludicrously bouffant hairdo and a 50's style dress. Quelle mistake, I thought, and realized who she was. It was perfectly obvious that she had been a man originally. I haven't changed my mind about whether or not I like this person. I'm just finally clear on what the situation is. This woman used to be a man. I don't care about the operation, either; she's clearly living as a female and that's good enough for me. All the same, I'm always amazed by why some men do that. You don't see huge numbers of female-to-male transistions. It's largely skewed the other way, at least in my social circle. And of the five transsexuals I've known personally only one's decision to make himself over into a female made any sense at all to me (and in fact, I thought he was definitely making the right choice). The rest seem to have bizarre, extremely distorted ideas of what it is to be female. I hope they feel better for doing it, but they aren't women and they never will be. On the other hand, I would never dream of saying someone had to stay within the definition of what being a male is, either. I'm not trying to excuse or retain gender boundaries. I think they're wrong, and bad for us as human beings. I just don't think it's prima facie sexist to acknowledge that they exist.

And since I'm defining what constitutes female company let me point out I don't think gay men can be One Of The Girls, either. They're male-oriented males, and muy macho or muy feminina, they're still guys and they still went through being socialized as guys. They may have rejected that socialization. Being marginalized by society often makes them much more interested in exploring the boundries and roles society assigns gender than your average mainstream heterosexual male, but not inevitably, and there's always going to be a certain separation of perception that has to do with the kind of chromosomes we were born with and the way we were treated while growing up. I'm not talking in general terms, here, or making a value judgment about the worth of someone not born female. I'm not saying Gender A can never understand the way Gender B sees things. I'm specifically talking about why it is clear to me that even the most enlightened, sensitive, intelligent man in the world is someone with a different experience of life than mine. I think the option of being able to share the particular things that happen to me because I am female, and how I react to them, with other women in a setting dedicated to women is necessary. I think men should have the same option of participating in male only forums. I do not equate such forums with setting up Old Boy Networks or reverting to social Neanderthals.

I think it's obvious from my diary that I don't only associate with women, or even primarily associate with women. I enjoy a wide variety of personalities and I don't base my friendships on gender, or race, or religion for that matter. But I do think it is acceptable for people to interact based on any number of random perceived shared interests, and some of those are gender-oriented because our existence is gender-oriented. I feel there is a point at which I cannot engage in so-called girl talk with men at a meaningful level. For that, I require women born and raised as women, and no substitutes will do.

Sisterhood is powerful.

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