My favorite, of course, is "Do I need a passport to go to Hawaii?" My answer is inevitably a gentle reminder that Hawaii Is Our 50th State enhanced with a subtext of What Rock Have You Been Living Under?

My second favorite is in response to asking the client what city they wish to travel to in the state they've just named: "You mean there's more than one city there?" To which my answer is, usually sotto voce, "Name me a state with just one city." No, D.C. doesn't count.

Number three would be the travelers who worry about whether or not they'll be arriving at local time, local being an ambiguous term to some people. They think their itineraries give the time for their home town no matter where they are traveling. Boy, that would be mean. We don't make travelers do time conversions to figure out when their plane leaves.

Fourth on the list is anyone who asks for a cheap package to a popular resort destination less than one week before traveling. There is a pervasive belief that last minute means cheap. No. Last minute means high prices, and you're lucky if you can find a seat on a plane and a hotel that's not a mile from the beach. Trust me on this. Plan ahead.

Number five is the choleric individual who does not believe in the limitations of time and space, particularly when it comes to air travel. "I won't take an overnight flight from Sydney to London, and I must have a nonstop." Sorry, sir, anyway you slice it that's a 22 hour flight. "Nonsense, there must be some way around it!" Maybe on your home planet.

There are many variations on the "I want to vacation in this nonexistent place which I heard about in a song" request. The Beach Boys have a lot to answer for.

This shouldn't count, since I only ever got the request once, but it tickled me so much I'm including it. I'll never forget the guy who wanted me to book him a seat on Garth Brooks' tour bus. He was totally serious.

"On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me a non-transferable ticket in his name which he said I could use since he wasn't going. My travel agent had to explain that non-transferable means you can't transfer it to someone else. I said I wanted to use it anyway, and she reminded me that I have to show photo ID when I check in. Oh, yeah. Dang. Those airlines think of everything."

Sometimes would-be travelers are a bit nervous about going to a foreign country. They want to be assured that people speak English. A reasonable request. Yes, absolutely, someone at the front desk of their hotel will speak English. No, they say, they mean they want to speak English with everyone. They don't want to deal with foreign languages. The strange thing is I can never get these people to go to the UK. They have their hearts set on exotic lands, the further away the better. The trouble is they want the Disney version of travel abroad, all the comforts of home without any nasty surprises. These clients frequently come home complaining about how awful the food was, how pushy the foreigners were, and how overrated the destination was. It saddens me.

And the tenth travel query, the one that slays me every time with its breathtaking lack of logic, is "I have a ticket from Airline X. Can I use that for my trip with Airline Y?" No, and you can't return a purchase from Bloomingdale's to Macy's, either. Hope this helps.

I've left out the fellow who asked me where his friend lived in Kansas, the nationwide confusion over where, exactly, the Grand Canyon is located (Arizona), the steadfast refusal to believe that a driver's license is not proof of citizenship, and approximately 12,637,211,890 stern instructions to find the cheapest fare as though I would automatically offer someone a first class fare if not told otherwise. People have such odd ideas about travel. It's a fun business.

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