I went to see de voodoo man and he tol' me I gots de evil spirits in my neck. Actually, what he said was, "What happened to you when you were 10 or 11 that was so traumatic?" Call me gullible but I'd like to know how the chiropractor knew that based on touching my spine a few times and passing his hands over the musculature around it. He unerringly found all the spots where accidents had happened, which didn't surprise me (masseurs find them, also), but how did he discern what happened to me at age 10 and a half? There was no impact with a solid object, no broken clavicle, no physical injury which would leave a dent. Nonetheless, I had indeed suffered severe problems at that age and it was interesting that he could tell.
I'd never been to a chiropractor before so I didn't know what to expect at my first appointment Friday. There was a definite air of New Age around the place. Pleasant scents, lighted candles, music playing, low lights, and soothing voices greeted me when I stepped in. Bodies were draped face down over leather chiropractic tables and the doctor was walking among them like a cook among his pots, adjusting a neck here, a shoulder there. I was sent into the adjoining room to put on a hospital gown and wait for the chiropractor to conduct the exam. I didn't wait long (what a difference from a general physician) and the exam was, er, non-invasive. However, part of it involved him making mystical passes over areas of my body to "find the hot spots" instead of using an infrared sensor. I strove to keep the dubious look off my face but I'm not sure I was successful.That part didn't involve any touching whatsoever and frankly it looked kooky. However, he used actual scientific equipment to detect specific areas of muscle tension and misaligned vertebrae.
Let's have some show and tell. Here's the printout from my paraspinal electromyograph, aka the EMG:
The green bits are the parts that hurt. Yep, the machine was able to read the cramped, torqued stress spots on my spine. It was interesting because he did the EMG after going over my spine by hand and telling me where and at what age my back was injured. I was sufficiently impressed to sign up for a course of corrective chiropractic, at any rate. It won't hurt, it's no more expensive than weekly massages, and it jolly well might help. I just hope I can maintain my composure during the sessions. Any mention of chakras or aligning my magnetic fields and I'm history.
