Sore tendons made playing and typing Sunday and Monday a literal pain. I wrapped my hand for class and again for work; that helped, the worst is gone, but I'm still wary of picking anything up with my left hand. I'm practicing extra hard for Saturday and playing chords with my weak hand held in a tense, clawlike position instead of relaxed and straight is the result of nerves unchecked. Right, got it, nerves duly noted, hand being babied.
No matter how hard I practice I will probably make mistakes at the recital. I already know this. I'm just getting tense about everything. I couldn't sleep straight through last night. My stomach is constantly tetchy about whatever I put in it. I worried about Tuesday's History test in advance, and then foolishly forgot to take my books with me to work so I could review. A huge strategic mistake. I was unprepared for the test and this time I don't think dumb luck will save me from a poor grade.
I know it's useless to feel this crappy about it but I cannot stand trying to figure out what to study for my History tests. The professor's study guides are so enormous that it's impossible to memorize everything on them, and I always, always, always guess wrong about what he's going to want to know. We have not talked about Black history in California at all; guess what a fourth of the test was on? Yes, there was reading that covered it, but if it was something he wanted us to focus on why didn't we get any lectures on the topic? And I was hopelessly lost when he cited court decision after executive order and asked what they were. I counted: out of fifty questions I knew the answers to twenty-five. I made reasonably educated guesses at five more, and the rest I answered randomly. There is no way in hell I did well on this. Fine, it won't be the worst thing in the world if I get a C, but I want to hit my head against a brick wall out of sheer frustration. I absolutely hate the sheer arbitrariness of his tests. Frankly, even studying at work today wouldn't have saved me entirely, but it would have given me a chance to review what he didn't lecture on.
So it is with pleasure that I stop thinking about my test and instead announce proudly that three of my friends participated in the National Novel Writing Month contest and completed it. Lise Eisenberg, Vicki Rosenzweig, and Doug Hanke wrote 50,000 words or more within a month, a complete novel. It's not something I've considered doing, coming as it does in November when I'm in school, but I think it's a fabulous concept and I know how challenging it is to write every day when you're not used to it (and I may write a lot but it sure isn't 50,000 words a month). Congratulations!
Another pleasant thought is the knowledge that I purchased two tickets for the first show on opening day of the new Lord of the Rings movie which is, of course, the day after my last final and a vacation day. I am so happy about the timing. It's something positive to look forward to besides the general feeling of gratitude that no one will ever test me again on California State history or expect me to play the piano. My word, that will be a relief.
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