Today has been such a sad day. I watched the final episode of Babylon 5 and I've been crying my heart out ever since. It was only a tv show, but it was a really good tv show. More than that, it was really good science fiction, and you just don't get a lot of that on tv. Don't quote me your Deep Space Nines and Voyagers, please. Those were space opera. This was science fiction.
There are no spoiler here for readers who haven't seen the episode yet. You have to know that the last episode is going to be a sad one, though, by its very nature. It was. It was nicely done. It wrapped things up in a satisfying way. But it was about endings, and beginnings, and there's just a little too many of the first right now in my life to be able to watch with equanimity the end of something that has been important to me for four years. So I cried for a long, long time when it was over.
Afterwards, I lay in bed, a cat curled up on either side of me, and listened to it rain. It was very soothing to have a grey, wet day on the outside and a warm, cozy comforter around me inside our apartment. John was up in the city so I had the place to myself while I gradually worked out the sadness with a hot bath, a good book (Sharon Kay Penman's The Sunne in Splendour), and nibbling on yummy Thanksgiving leftovers. I began planning my Christmas activities, too, a source of great pleasure. I absolutely love the scents and colors of Christmas. Last year I was a little shell-shocked from the move, and from having made a poor employment decision. This year's going to be different.
I decided to be extremely firm this year and buy our Christmas tree next weekend. Most years I let John persuade me to wait until about 10 days before Christmas, but although he's not forceful about it I've been a real weenie in not asserting my preference. I want a Christmas tree early so it will last all month. I love decorating them. We've accumulated lots of beautiful ornaments, and tinsel, and strands of lights over the years. It will have to go outside, like last year, because of Keiko the Mighty Tree Climber, but that's all right. It's a great pity our fireplace has no mantel. I've always wanted to decorate a mantel. I think I can do something with the tops of the bookshelves, though. And soon it will be time for John to make my favorite mandelrohr cookies, and anise drops, and the Bartelt family Brown Cookie recipe. The apartment will smell of cinnamon and apples and cloves. His brothers will send us care packages of Jingles which we can't get outside of Wisconsin. We'll start ordering gifts from the catalogs for everyone who lives out of town (which in our case is all of our respective families), and I'll send out my hand-stamped Christmas cards precisely on December first.
I feel less sad when I think of the season just ahead. A new Christmas; a new beginning.
