My greatest fear, likely to be realized, is not that the paper won't be interesting or well-written but that my weak grasp of MLA style is going to lose me points, especially in the reference sections. I simply don't know what a college paper should look like. I'm not kidding. I have never seen anyone else's papers. I feel as though I've always gotten away with dubious formalities because my writing and understanding of the subject has been so superior to the rest of the class that the professors are willing to overlook the wonky bibliographies and failure to cite things in the approved way. I am not talking about funky little Wuthering Heights Community College, either, in case you are imagining their standards are low. I've gone through this at two different big state universities as well, and I feel like a complete fraud when it comes to papers.

I can write the hell out of them, but I don't know how to do the references and citations. Yes, I've checked websites with examples and yes, I own a copy of the MLA style manual. Doesn't matter. It's obvious to me that I'm doing something a little differently than I should be and I don't know how to make it right. It never seems to affect my grades, but it bothers me. It's a weakness. I feel as though I ought to have learned this. As one of my professors once said to me, "How can a writer of your ability be so incapable of using commas correctly?" Because I don't have a copy editor of my very own, that's why. Because I've always gotten away with it and no, I never studied formal grammar in school, and yes, I am a 4.0 student. No teacher has ever punished me with bad grades for minor infractions of citation standards or failure to understand how English works. This is secretly what I was hoping for from a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature. I'd be forced to learn. Faking it for so many years has made me very nervous every time I turn in a paper.

Well. I guess I can stop holding my breath. It's the last paper and the MLA police have yet to come get me. I might get some points knocked off for this one, but I don't think it'll make a big difference; I think my professor is going to like my paper. It demonstrates a lot of research and if it doesn't have any original premises or comments at least it's clear and puts the facts together to support my thesis. But please, if I ever make noises about going back for my B.A., remind me I'd have to write lots and lots of papers with several dozen bibliographies. That ought to stop the madness.

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