I think I'm having a midlife crisis. Or maybe it's just the same self-doubt that's plagued me for years. I am never quite sure that it's okay to just exist. I keep thinking I ought to be contributing something to society. You know, like designing a better transit system, or unearthing ancient artifacts, or finding the Higgs boson. Something important, something useful. I am secretly convinced that it's a shortcoming that I don't yearn to do more. I just want to be happy, and I'm good at being happy. I'm a moderately successful human. Isn't that enough?
I really shouldn't watch the Olympics. They make me feel inadequate.
I read through Columbine's Core Knowledge list and I certainly came up short there. I didn't entirely agree with what she thought was basic information for intelligent people, but close enough that I felt bad about not knowing how either my car or my body works. I couldn't perform a soil composition test if my life depended on it, nor can I think of any practical reason I would ever need to solve for X but of course I'm struggling with algebra right now so I might be slightly bitter on that account. At any rate, I only know maybe three fourths of what she thinks is required to call yourself intelligent. So not only do I not attempt to make the world a better place, apparently I'm stupendously average as well.
Nuts.
I think this is when I'm supposed to suddenly develop an urge to be philanthropical or get involved in volunteering. I've determined that I'm a useless blight upon the earth so I'd better get cracking and pay back my debt by mentoring little kids or answering the phones at the local women's shelter. But I don't want to do that. I don't feel generous with my time at all. I certainly wouldn't volunteer for any people-oriented charities. If I did anything I'd want to help out at an animal shelter or wildlife conservation center. I know this makes me sound insular and ungrateful, but basically I reserve my compassion for animals.
Which means, I guess, that I'm unlikely to contribute much to the elevation and advancement of humans. When I think about it like that I feel a little relief. I should do something about my urge to work with animals. As for the rest of it, well, I'm not being a burden on society. If I choose to go through life without striving for excellence or acclaim, that's okay. It just means I'm ordinary. Ordinary is fine.
Right?
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