I didn't need to take Algebra II.

I didn't need to take Philosophy.

I didn't need to take Personal Development.

I am one credit short of meeting the English requirement.

Testing out of English 100 is not an option.

I have to take Physical Education unless I've taken at least 60% of my credits at night.

I have taken 30% of my credits at night. It took me two years.

They do not offer Physical Education classes at night.

I am an adult. I did not scream, weep, or yell at the big cheese. I sat there with a pleasant, slightly pained expression on my face and in quiet tones told her that I expected to graduate this term no matter how many heads of departments and faculty I had to meet with in order to get the requirements waived, credits accepted, or exceptions made. Because this was entirely their fault and I wasn't having any of it.

See, it turns out that the counselor I talked to last year at the Student Counseling Center didn't give me the right information. Apparently, he thought I should take the courses just in case I decided to go on for a four year degree so he insisted they were required. I asked that he be informed this was both incorrect information and unethical behavior. Also, even though a Dean says one thing is true an Admissions Counselor can say another, probably opposite, thing is true, and the right answer is quite possibly something else entirely. The rules have changed in the last year. But the one thing everyone acknowledges is that I have a boatload of credits, some really excellent grades, an intense and cuttingly articulate personality, and a will of steel. Someone, I don't care who, is going to sign off on those credits.

The Dean of Arts and Science says my University of Washington credits in Music are good enough for her. She has signed my petition to accept them as equivalent courses at WHCC. As far as she's concerned, my piano class was the only thing missing for fulfilling the Music major. The Admissions Center says otherwise. I will be speaking to the big cheese there tomorrow and explaining why the Dean is right. As for Phys.Ed., I don't want to hear any more about it. How can I take classes that aren't offered? Someone needs to review their own catalog and rewrite that list of requirements.

Meanwhile, the big cheese was relatively positive about getting things organized so I can take my degree and leave. I need to get a photocopy of the course description for Introduction to English Studies from the 1995 MTSU catalog. If it says anything about writing, and it should as it was actually literary criticism, then I believe she can claim that missing writing credit in the English section. She has to talk to the Dean of Language Arts, the Head of Admissions, the Dean of Counselors, and one or two others to get a consensus on my situation. She said she'd never run across anything quite like it before.

This is a community college in a huge suburb of San Francisco, not some fly-by-night online university run by a guy named Sven and a computer in Alaska, folks. I cannot believe my situation is that unusual. It makes me determined to get out and never go back to a public university or college again. Technical or vocational school, yes. If I need a two year course to get certified for a particular job, fine, that I will do, but I will not put myself through this again unless and until two things happen: one, someone else pays for it, and two, it's at Stanford. I think we know how likely either of those scenarios are.

So now I make more phonecalls, find some information from seven years ago, and do my gadfly thing for the next couple of weeks. With any luck I'll meet with the big cheese to fill out my application to graduate by the end of the month, right before Journalcon, in fact. Whee.

To prove that I'm an adult, do you know what I did after my meeting? I didn't rush off in a huff, I didn't eat anything bad for me, and I didn't replay the entire conversation in my head. I simply walked across to the music department, found a teacher to open a practice room for me, and practiced a Mozart variation of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' for an hour. I also practiced "Wistfulness' but it came out kind of loud and unwistful so I gave up and doodled around with staccato and eighth notes. I sightread a very ugly piece in F minor, and then went home where the sight of my transformed front garden comforted me immensely.

I could get angry about having taken three courses I didn't need but I don't regret it. They served their purpose which was to educate me and give me intellectual confidence. I learned a great deal in my Philosophy and Algebra classes. Photoshop, well, it was fun and I picked up a couple of cool tricks. So, what the hell. If they let me out in December I'll call it even.

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