I've been giving some thought to what I want to do with myself after I graduate. I hope to finish at the end of this term, but it depends entirely on whether a faculty member is willing to administer an examination in English 100. If not, then I'll be forced to take freshman composition, which means another semester and repeating a course I've already taken elsewhere. I've made my request in writing to the Dean of Language Arts. She'll forward it to the professors who teach the course. I won't know for a couple of weeks.
But let's say I am allowed to take the final without taking the class and I pass. A counselor exams my transcripts, everyone signs off on my credits, and I graduate. I frame the piece of paper that validates my intellect and proves I can finish whatever I start even if it takes me a quarter of a century. I now have my evenings back. I have completed one of my life's major goals. Now what?
Seeing as my previous reaction to fulfilling lifelong dreams brought on either a nervous breakdown or terrifying, continuous episodes of panic attacks, clearly it behooves me to plan ahead. I refuse, categorically refuse, to fall apart this time. I must figure out what to do with my life for the next, oh, twenty years. Maybe less, but certainly no more. At 65 I had damn well better be retired or at least able to do whatever I'm doing without relying on it for my income.
I've had a tough time trying to work out what I want from this next career. I do know there are three non-negotiable points. It must earn me enough money to live on and save for retirement. It must be "behind the scenes", allowing me to work at home or in an office where I don't interact with the general public. Most importantly, it must make use of my creativity. No more demarcation between the artist and the worker bee.
I'm afraid pet sitting isn't going to be the answer. Yes, I love animals, and yes, I'd be happy working with them, but I can see that being a pet sitter means selling my services to people which is what I do now, and I'm on the far side of being fed up with that. It would earn me a very decent living, scoring well on point one, but it would fail on points two and three. So, no full time pet care career for me.
I don't plan to be a performer ever again. I would love to join a choir but I will not audition for a living. Been there, done that, not interested. I've made a great deal of progress on reintegrating music into my daily life, something I would not have believed possible a year ago. I listen to my mp3 player every time I walk the dog. I have iTunes on when I work at the computer. I go to concerts. I buy CDs. I even sing once in a while, although I'm not ready for karaoke quite yet. I plan on taking some voice lessons or joining a community choir in the not too distant future. No timeline, just working towards it. And of course I'm completing my last credits in piano this term so music is very much a part of my life again. I will sing in public for fun, but never again for money.
Write a book? A swell idea. I plan on it, in fact. I'm not a fussy writer. I can sit down and write any time without going through any rituals or being "in the mood." I would like to take a writing class, though it will have to be high caliber. I'm sorry, I'm not interested in learning to express my inner feelings, I'm interested in learning the mechanics and details of writing. I would like some structural assistance. Technically, writing for a living would meet all three requirements, but it's terribly unreliable and the money doesn't roll in quickly enough. Better keep it as a hobby, at least until my manuscript is done and vetted by my friends in the business.
Where does that leave me, though? I haven't been able to see this new path clearly. I've spent some time clearing out the underbrush by thinking through the options above. It's also useful to know where one is willing to compromise. My compromise would be working in an office. I don't have to work at home. I just don't want the next career to involve the public. I want a stable employer, decent pay, a creative endeavor, something that requires me to be intelligent, clever, autonomous, literate, and always thinking. A career that is indifferent to age, that cares only about ability. A place where my love of language and literature is an asset. A job that is both sensible and potentially fascinating.
I have an idea, but I can't work towards it until I've graduated. I want to be sure it's something I'd enjoy in reality, not just as a cool idea. Part of it, the preparation for it, is definitely something I will do no matter what. After that? I'll see. If I can stay afloat as a travel agent for a couple of years then I'll have time to test my theory. At the very least I'll be deliriously happy while I take a shot at it.
Now pardon me while I do some homework so I can graduate and get on with my life.
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