The year spins onward now, faster and faster. School starts tomorrow, and I can't help but dread it with the reality it brings of tests and projects and homework, meetings with people who have the power to deny me graduation, curtailed free time for eighteen weeks. But there's music. I might finally learn to play the piano without weeping at my shortcomings.
Worldcon in two weeks? I didn't lose any weight, my hair's too short and boring, I wanted to surprise everyone by looking fabulous but there's no time left. I've two panels to prepare for. Note to self: don't forget to be funny on demand. I've got to rent a car, commute daily, avoid group meals, see a zillion of my best friends, pick up a copy of the latest Terry Pratchett in the Dealers Room, marvel at the Art Show, bid on stuff at TAFF/DUFF auction, go to the Regency Dance, get my photo taken for the Fan Project, and have fannish fun. I see a great deal of coffee in my future.
Then there's Journalcon in seven weeks and I've got two more panels to prepare for plus all the usual concom stuff. It's fun, it makes me feel happy to work with others to create an entertaining experience for friends and strangers, but it's getting down to the wire, lots of details need following up.
I hope work picks up in the next few weeks as people finish their summer vacations and start planning for the holidays. I need to seriously consider what to do if my office closes. Though I have been reassured that the agency's in good shape as long as we continue at the current level or better, I can no longer plan my future with confidence. I used to say I could always get a job bagging groceries if I lost my job, but then I read about the 700 people who lined up for 171 jobs at Albertson's last week. Maybe my options are even more limited than I thought. If I leave my field I'm either overqualified or underqualified, and I'm definitely pretty old for entry level jobs. Job situation aside, I must give serious thought to my future because once I finish school I finish a long term goal and the last time I completed a long term goal I fell apart in three different ways.
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The wheel is turning and you can't slow down
You can't let go and you can't hold on
You can't go back and you can't stand still
If the thunder don't get you then the lightning will
Robert Hunter wrote the soundtrack to my early twenties. Funny how certain lyrics keep coming back to me. Sally Cragin says I have big changes coming next summer as Jupiter roars through significant portions of my chart, and I can't say she's wrong. I feel the change being wrought, internally and externally. Jupiter or the airline industry, one way or another my twelve year career is in flux as it's never been before. I may weather it and stay on, find a niche. Yet I listen to my instincts and they tell me I have other things to do before I die besides make travel reservations.
Autumn is a time for reflection, for gathering of resources, for preparation. Summer is over.
The Index
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