Sometimes I wonder what, exactly, my clients do for a living. They all have names like Bay Networks or Informatica or Liquid Audio. This is not informative. I think they should have descriptive names like "Big Honking Intranet Systems" or "Annoying Computer Music." I suppose it could be worse and they could be named mallish things like "Information Hut" or "Microprocessors N Things." And what the hell are they selling, anyway? Is it something any sane person needs? At least I know what one of my clients does: Pete's Brewing makes beer. Truth in advertising, by jove. Pete Slosberg always makes me feel like a bit of a slacker, though; after all, I never thought of starting my own company, making a zillion dollars, and retiring by age 45.
While skulking in the perpetual career twilight of general office work I've realized there is one excellent byproduct of being a perpertual underachiever. I have never, at any time on any job, suffered from the insidious fear virtually all of the incredibly smart, educated people I know suffer: frauduphobia, the fear of being discovered to be a complete fraud. It constantly surprises me that people with their doctorates in rocket science worry that someone is going to say, "Hey! This guy's not as smart as we thought! He doesn't have any of the right qualifications! It was all a terrible mistake! Fire him!"
Strangely, this never crosses my mind. And it's not because I've had unchallenging jobs, either. Some of my jobs have been hideously demanding, requiring me to quickly acquire skills like accounting, cite searchs, and film editing, but I never thought I'd be fired over not knowing enough. Heck, I always think, they got a great deal. I'm reliable and clever and flexible. Also, I can sing any pop song from 1975 onwards. Any office would be lucky to have me! My personal fear usually runs along the lines of whether or not I'll have the sense to quit before I feel compelled to inform the boss in anatomical detail exactly what I think of the company mission statement.
But I can face facts. I haven't got anything like the motivation or energy to start my own business. I can't even finish my damned university degree, let alone stay focused on the bottom line while selling my product and schmoozing potential clients. It's okay, though. There's lots of demand for people like me, the middle class white collar worker. Besides, if I had finished that degree I'd probably even now be working for Chock Full O' Circuitry, and battling frauduphobia.
