I went to the islands tonight, courtesy of the Tahiti and Fiji tourist boards. My fellow non-owner agents and I went up to the city after work and attended a seminar on selling those destinations. It was held at the wonderful Fairmont Hotel, one of my favorite hotels in San Francisco because of the fabulous lobby, the lofty turn of the century decor of the meeting rooms, and the fabled Tonga Room, a truly demented tiki bar featuring a lagoon, a waterfall, live plants, fake thunder and lightning, and waitresses in tight silk cheong sams (as never seen on natives of Tonga!).
There was the usual assortment of travel sluts at the seminar. I'm one; I'll go to any seminar as long as there's a hope of winning a free ticket someplace. I was there for another reason, though. I've never been to the South Pacific except to fly over it on my way to Australia. This wasn't a big deal in Nashville; never once, in six years, did I sell a package to Tahiti. Out here, though, the high end luxury clientele love to swan off to island hideaways like Moorea or Bora Bora (Hawaii is so over). I thought it would be quite helpful to know more about what I was selling since there's no hope in hell I'll ever vacation on my own motu. And it was, in fact, quite a helpful seminar.
For one thing, I vow never, ever, even in an alcohol-induced haze on a tropical beach, to buy a coconut bra. There were genuine Tahitian dancers at the seminar and they were terrifically entertaining despite the fact that they wore these eensy coconut bras that made them look like something from a frat party. I liked their grass skirts a lot, however. I could picture myself in one of those. Of course, if I were to take up Tahitian dancing I'd have to work on shaking my midriff in figure eights while ululating and telling stories with my supple fingers. Um, on second thought, never mind.
The other thing I learned was that while there is a fair amount to do in Fiji and French Polynesia, it all revolves around water sports and sunbathing. You can swim, scuba, snorkel, waterski, jet ski, take a ferry, charter a yacht, ride a catamaran, or learn to paddle a native craft. When that palls, you can lie on the beach, lie on the deck of your boat, lie on a chaise lounge by the pool, or lie down in your bungalow. There are some locally made items to purchase on all the islands, but not a lot. Fiji's Suva and Tahiti's Papeete are both port cities, lively when the boats are in and somnolent when the cruise lines leave. There appears to be some decent interior hiking in Fiji; I didn't see anything about it in French Polynesia. There is always Club Med if you like your social life organized while on holiday; I wouldn't recommend a Club Med in someplace like Mexico, where there's so much to see and do off the grounds of a resort, but in a sparsely populated and undeveloped chain of islands like French Polynesia I think it would be ideal.
Basically, what I learned from watching the coconut bras and the slide show was this: the South Pacific is a wonderful destination as long as you don't require intellectual stimulation beyond that of your own brain (and your companion's, of course). If you thrive on pure sensual input and require isolation to stop yourself from overdoing everything, then go. If you can't get enough of water activities, and are sportif in general, then go. If you truly want nothing more out of a holiday than to read a book while overlooking a white sand beach with a deep turquoise ocean, then go. You'll be in heaven, I promise.
Me, I'm booking a flight to New York.
