One other thing happened to me while I was in Africa. The penultimate night we were there I had a sudden, frightening, debilitating series of panic attacks. For a while, I thought I might have to be flown to Nairobi and hospitalized. It had been nine years since I'd had my first experience with them. I'd gone through therapy and drugs to treat the attacks, and been pronounced cured by 1987. Now, they had recurred stronger than ever, only this time I was in the middle of the Masai Mara, a long way from anywhere. It was a terrible, terrible night.
There was never any doubt as to the cause. My soul-destroying tenure at CUC Travel was taking one final toll. I'd put myself through hell in order to win the necessary two years experience every other agency wanted, and hell always exacts a penalty. At least I knew what I had to do when I got home. I made it through the next two days of travel thanks to my husband and my own teeth-gritted determination not to spoil the end of a wonderful trip. The minute we were back in Nashville I opened the phonebook to Counselors, and called the first name in the book. My only stipulation was she had to be a northerner. I asked for that specifically when getting the referral.
I lucked out and got an amazing therapist. After explaining I needed immediate help coping with the physical aspects of panic attacks, I told her exactly what I wanted in the long term. I told her I wanted to learn how to live in the South. She agreed, and we went on to do several years of excellent work together. It took a much longer time to completely banish the panic attacks than previously, but I also got to work on areas of my psyche I'd never been ready for before. I think of seeing a therapist as hiring a native guide in a foreign country. They're there to guide you along certain paths, not tell you how to get where you're going but to show you ways to get there. They keep you from plunging over steep cliffs or getting stuck up odd little backwaters. I regard Dr. Kathryn Sherrod with deep affection and gratitude. She was a truly excellent guide.