Oh my god, Clue Lass and her many relatives have found me at my new job. I have spent the week fending off such brilliant requests as "How much is it to South America?" and "How can I smuggle my cat into my hotel room?" I'm telling you, whenever I am tempted to disparage my own intelligence all I have to do is go to work. The problem is I'm beginning to lose my self control when asked stupendously dumb questions. I actually got my ass chewed out by a lady who wanted a quote on airfare from San Francisco to Chicago but balked at the news that she might have to change planes. I was trying to explain that sometimes the nonstop flights are far more expensive than connecting flights when she suddenly said she wouldn't take a connection because she didn't want to spend the night at the airport. I was so floored by this announcement that I did a poor job of hiding my reaction to such a ridiculous notion, and got lectured. I swear I don't usually mock people to their faces but whew!
Early in the week I had a laborious conversation with a lady who wanted to visit Germany, suddenly decided Norway sounded better, then switched her itinerary to Switzerland on the grounds that it would be cheaper. She really couldn't have picked any three more expensive countries, so I'm not sure what planet she was from. She ended up with a ticket to London because, she explained carefully, "I speak German." Uh, okay.
The question of the day today was the highly furtive phone call from a young woman with a foreign accent who asked how much it cost to fly from the Middle East to Mexico City. I asked her which city she'd be departing from, and she became very suspicious. "Just the Middle East, that's all you need to know," she said. I pleasantly explained fares varied based on departure cities and I couldn't possibly give her a correct answer if I didn't know where in the Middle East she was leaving from. "Kind of the edge of it," she offered. I insisted on specifics. Finally, with much reluctance, she named Dubai. Now, Dubai is not exactly a center of terrorism, or a place our government is upset about, you know? There's no clear reason why she should have been secretive about it. But when she found out the lowest cost from Dubai to Mexico City was $2440, she gasped and asked how much it was to Cuba instead. "Cuba?" I said, momentarily diverted. "Yes," she replied, "it's much closer to Dubai so it should be cheaper, right?" This led to an animated discussion of the way airfares are calculated, the distances involved in travel between the countries she was interested in, and a brief but firm explanation of the current U.S. embargo of and limitations on travel to Cuba. She could not believe that I couldn't sell her a ticket to Cuba. She hung up huffily after announcing she'd just call another travel agent and get them to sell it to her.
I hope President Clinton rewards me for this.
