I miss Dixie terribly. I keep tormenting myself by looking at animal shelter web pages and going through the dog photos. If I see one that looks a little like her I feel a storm well up inside me. I shouldn't do it. It throws my loss into high relief and makes me feel bad. But I can't stop looking. Because I miss her. Because my life is so different without her. Because there might be a photo of a dog that looks like her, and I am desperate for any reminder.
Another dog wouldn't make it better. I'm sorry, I know some people think it would help the healing process, but it wouldn't. It would distract me, they say kindly, give me a new animal to care for and love. Well, I have two cats, and they're distraction enough, and I love them as dearly as I loved Dixie. I'm not short on extraneous pet hair and responsibilities.
I'm short one member of my family. And I am still not over it.
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