Because I know that approximately .0000008 percent of my readership cares about gardens I'll spare you the rhapsodizing about the flower show. If you want to read about it, go here. The short version is: wowsa.

Saturday I met Shelly at the airport and we flew to Las Vegas. It was the first time we had traveled together, and it worked out really well because we're both independent yet accommodating. If one of us wanted to do something and the other didn't, we just arranged to meet up later. There was none of that awful waffling around while no one wants to express a preference, either. We didn't have one conflict of interest, and neither of us revealed any personal habits that would cause the other to blench in horror. So the trip was basically non-stop fun and entertainment, which is as it should be.

I have not been to Las Vegas since 1995. Holy cow, has it changed. Last time I was there the MGM was sort of off by itself with nothing much nearby. Now it's positively hemmed in by other enormous casinos. There's a constant flow of foot traffic and vehicles. It's like being an ant visiting a gigantic picnic table. We stayed at a cheap, funky Travelodge next door to Circus Circus which was perfectly adequate for our needs except for being on the wrong end of the strip. The thing about Vegas is you forget how amazingly long the strip is, and everything you want to see is much further away than is convenient. Lordy, just getting to the front doors of some of these places was a quarter mile walk. I got blisters on both soles from walking so much, but it was worth it.

After a quick bite at McDonald's for the sake of convenience, we hoofed it past half a dozen casinos in various states of repair as we headed south towards Bellagio. We walked past Treasure Island just in time to catch the sinking of the pirate ship that occurs every hour in front of the hotel. Very impressive, very loud. I was equally impressed by the sheer scale of the landscaping in front of everything. We walked past rollercoasters laden with screaming passengers, enormous waterfalls, scarily oversized bronze busts of Siegfried and Roy, and a ferris wheel containing fake people. We strolled through the Venetian and made fun of the cheesy gondola rides. The ceiling was painted like a cloudy sky, and the lighting gave a constant bright twilight effect. After a while I forgot I was inside. Shopping malls, take note.

After two hours I admitted defeat and turned off into Bellagio to pick up our tickets for Cirque du Soleil's "O" while Shelly continued on to catch an early show of Blue Man Group at the Luxor. I had planned to walk up to the Luxor with her but at that point all I wanted to do was sit down for the rest of my life. I had gelato and coffee and watched the glamorous people go by in their glittering evening gowns.

Eventually I moseyed across the street to the Aladdin which had been entirely rebuilt since the last time I was in town. I enjoyed the interior shopping area called the Desert Passage and bought a few gifts while admiring the pseudo-Arabian decor. It was a whole mile just by itself, though, and my feet were still killing me. I sat down near a pool of water and took my shoe off to massage one foot a little. A little old Jewish man sat down next to me, nattily dressed in a tweed suit and knotted tie. "Oy, these resorts are so big now!" he exclaimed in a Yiddish accent. Yes, I agreed, everything was huge. Had he ever stayed in the old Aladdin? "Every year I stayed in the Aladdin," he replied animatedly. Do you think this one is as good, I asked since he seemed nostalgic, or do you miss the old one? "Feh!" he exclaimed. "It was miserable, but at least it was small!" We both laughed uproariously.

Shelly and I had a couple of drinks in the Paris casino (which we unanimously voted home of the skimpiest casino girl outfits) before going back to Bellagio to see "O." Maybe it was the Rum Runner in my system, but I didn't think it was as good as the other Cirque show, "Mystere," playing down the street at Treasure Island. Still, it was vastly entertaining so if you're thinking of seeing it I can recommend it. There is nothing like Cirque du Soleil. There is nothing like Bellagio, either, although it seems kind of cheesy to me to charge twelve bucks to get into their onsite museum. I swear I saw some Mob guys, too. They looked just like the Sopranos.

On Sunday all we had time to see was Mandalay Bay, and that took nearly two hours on its own, although we did have lunch part of that time. It's even more enormous than the other hotels. Everything's very tropical and I expected a Burmese decor but it's Vegas so it's ersatz Burmese, watered down and yet over the top. We enjoyed it. We would have enjoyed a moving walkway more, though. The place must cover five acres. There's a pool outside with a wave machine, but we didn't see anyone surfing. They have a slow river for inner tubing on, and live parrots in the lobby, and the casino was actually pretty. I'd consider staying there. They seemed to have the largest number of good restaurants of any of the five hotels I visited, though I didn't really give Paris a chance.

In fact, I hope to return to Vegas in the fall. I would like to see Blue Man Group, and Danny Gans, or maybe one of the big extravaganzas like EFX. And someday I'm going to convince someone to see Siegfried and Roy with me. It's the ultimate Vegas experience now that Frank and Dean and Sammy aren't around any more.

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